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Category Archives: soundtrack of my life

Apologize

IMG_0036, originally uploaded by airam94564.

They were friends,had mutual friends and belonged to the same clique. She thought he was always there for him. He was. In high school, he would tease her with any boy who would show interest in her. She was always comfortable with his company. She would allow him to do her math homework, despite her inner voice telling her not to. She did because he always volunteered. She would correct the ones she thought were erroneous, but there were so few of those cases/problems that merited her correction.

They [the clique] remained close through college even though everyone went to different universities. They would maintain close contact, meet during school breaks, and write to each other in between breaks.

The closeness stayed through their post collegiate days when they all shared the pains of applying for jobs and waiting endlessly for call backs.

All through this, he was secretly carrying a torch for her, which she knew nothing about. Everyone in their circle knew, however. The girls told the boys she knew nothing about it and that he was misreading all the signs. She remained close to him, considered him her very close friend. What she thought was the same treatment she was giving him all these years were now being colored differently by him because of these feelings he suddenly felt for her. She remained clueless. Sure, she would catch him staring at her, or sometimes all his focus was on her, but she brushed those aside as inconsequential. It simply did not occur to her he would break the pact—no hooking up in this group. Of course that pact had become null as two other couples came out of this group. He was wishing they would be the third couple. She was wishing for someone else.

It all unravelled one weekend trip to the beach. She brought friends with her from college, a couple. He did not know they were a couple. He got really jealous when he started teaching her to swim. She had no clue he was stewing while she was trying her dog flaps with this college friend next to her on the water.

When they all got back from the trip, she was informed. He was hurt. She could not understand why her desire to learn how to swim would inflict him pain.

They sat her down and explained that in a span of about two years he was carrying this torch for her. She told them she had no knowledge. They all agreed with her that she was plain dense when it comes to these matters. She was, they said, after all only focused on a single person, the one not from the group, but the group actually liked him too.

She tried to talk to him. But by then he got really nasty. A bad side of him that she had never seen before was in full display. She was put off by this ugly side of him. And she too brought out her claws ready for the battle.

By then the friendship that was developed for over 10 years had gone up in smoke. There was no way to salvage it, despite friends’ intervention. He eventually eased out of the group. She stayed put.

A year or so later, she came to her senses. She tried to write him and apologize for what she termed as her “insensitivity to his feelings”, but he was by then still consumed by his anger that no amount of reasoning would sway him. It was a friendship lost.

Authors note: I am personally saddened by the demise of this friendship as I personally know both parties. Sometimes pride and failure to communicate wreaks havoc that is irreversible.

I was listening to this song, Apologize, and heard the lyrics, “its too late to apologize“, and immediately remember this story. I will be posting the lyrics to the song, I don’t know what the song is about to be really honest. I know this post is about that line—it’s too late to apologize.

Here’s the lyrics to the song.

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2008 in personal, soundtrack of my life

 

Nearsighted

IMG_0302, originally uploaded by airam94564.

Other than the appearance of zits, the most devastating thing to happen to a teenager’s life is wearing glasses. Could you imagine how cruel it is for a teener who has self esteem issues to begin with to find out that on top of everything else, he/she also now has to sport those geeky frames!

I was 16 when I made my first visit to an optometrist. I was a college freshman and while most of the professors were fine with me switching seats with whoever had front seat and willing [we were seated alphabetically and I was under M so I always had the second to the last row seat], one of them finally suggested I get glasses after people start pestering the prof to change seats with me before I can even ask. Yes, I was a geek. I wanted to see the board. I wanted to hear the lectures. So, I had glasses.

When I was 16, there were no soft contact lenses. I had to endure wearing unsightly frames. I had no choice. There were no fashionable frames in those days. By the time I was 18, I started to wear the hard contact lens. A year after that I wore the soft lenses. Decades later here I am still wearing soft contact lens and occasionally glasses.

But the traumatic experience of wearing glasses did not leave me. I was very bitter that I had to wear glasses at such an early age. And my first prescription was at 175, that bad from the get go. It was not astigmatism. I could read without my glasses. As a matter of fact, I had to remove my glasses to read still.

In my 20s, I heard the song, NEARSIGHTED by Rupert Holmes. It gave me comfort. It gave me my group hug. There were no support groups for teens with glasses you know so we had to live with the fact that we had glasses. And while I have no need for a laser surgery, altho’ I was told by my new optometrist that I have just seen that it’s never too late for me to get one, I have lived with the glasses and the lenses for over 20 years now and I have enjoyed it. And each time I hear this song, I smile. I realize that wearing glasses is not the worst that can happen. Of course the realization came 20 years late. I hope that teeners now can find comfort that wearing glasses is like a status symbol with all the brand-named frames and the multicolored lenses. I had a rough patch where I wore green contact lenses and my boss from Czech asked if I was born with those hues. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Here’s the lyrics to Nearsighted by Rupert Holmes.

If you take these glasses from my face
Think that you would find
I’m undeniably, certifiably just a shade of blind
I don’t envy those of you
With 20/20 vision
Who’ve seen the world for all its worth
With crystal clear precision

There’s more to see than can be seen or said than what is heard
The day is brighter, softer, lighter
When it’s slighted blurred

Nearsighted, it’s another lovely day
Nearsighted, so I stumble on my way
I don’t just a friend or lover
By a first or second look
Nor a book just by its cover
No, I can’t even see the book

Nearsighted, loving life is such a breeze
Nearsighted, cause I see just what I please
And it pleases me to see you
I won’t change my point of view

Nearsighted, Nearsighted
Nearsighted, all I need to see is you.

Though I’m slightly out of focus
I can see my dreams come true
Clear sighted, I’m nearsighted
Nearsighted, all I need to see is you, you.

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2008 in personal, soundtrack of my life